T R U S T,
Hmm, where do I begin? Well we all know what TRUST means, but its how we use it and change the meaning of it when we get in with relations with someone. One question I have is: when we get in relationships with someone why do we feel the need to change certain definitions to accomodate our feelings, benefit(s) (aha moment) just to make the relationship work?
This topic has been a heavy subject these past couple of days to week for me because along the sides of helping other people see how trust needs to build with their life, I ended up catching the raft and getting a reality check about my dang self; but it was all worth it.
TRUST only becomes an issue -when first it seems as if no boundary was set and understood between the parties (meaning the significant others) and when lines are being crossed. It also becomes an issue when the problem is not being talked about… But are any of you guys doing these things:
1. TRUSTing yourself
2. Making sure the boundaries are set and understood
3. Talking about the issue(s)
4. SOLVING the issue(s)
5. Being transparent with yourself and the other person that everything is clear and good
1A. How can you trust someone when you don’t trust yourself? I’m no expert of course but I have experienced enough to know that if I can’t trust myself then I damn sure shouldn’t be trusting the next person; trusting yourself is loving yourself, and to do it comes with self-discipline. And you can’t Love someone if you don’t Love yourself IN. ALL. WAYS.
2B. Think of your relationship as a battlefield, you have your gear and weapons lined up, you and your significant other have some people to help go to war with, you have your lines to break off where you and your enemy will meet, and everything is set up and ready to go….. Now, lets just say for instance, both you and your significant other have two different plans on how to attack, and for some reason you guys are being attacked and its just chaos and everything went wrong and that one battle you guys lost – SO WHO’S TO BLAME? and WHO IS THE REAL ENEMY?
-when there’s chaos involed no one is paying attention to the true problem, you guys are so upset and frustrated about losing battle that you guys forgot that there was no preparation in the first place. No strategy was mapped out, no plan was chosen, no one was doing there job to protect the relationship. So when that happens its time now to dig a little deeper. Did either parties make it clear from what it is they needed from the other person and was it understood to its fullest potential that the duty could’ve been fulfilled? And its okay to go back for assurance to ask questions to do better /go beyond what the person asked and needed of you. Thats the whole point of doing your part in the relationship.
3/4 AB. Talking about the issues is one of the most important aspects of TRUST because how else would you know if you or the person is or isn’t fulfilling your needs of trust issues. In order for it to work COMMUNICATION is and will always be key. So stop keeping things to yourself, stop bottling your emotions waiting for them to explode all over the place, stop waiting for chaos to happen. Let it be known immediately once you get uncomfortable that the issue isn’t being met and at that moment its up to both of you guys hold ya’ll end of the bargain.
-NOW THIS IS NOT JUST FOR A SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIP BUT FOR FRIENDSHIPS AS WELL -because at the end of the day a friend/ship is a type of relation/ship….
Now solving the issue so that you guys can trust again is hard, because one or both of you guys maybe stubborn, you guys arent listening each other, yall talking over each other… All of these are NO NO’S take the responsibility that you both have trust issues that need to be resolved and you guys can either work together to fix it or not; its up to you. But importantly, NEVER, I mean NEVER go to bed without resloving an issue. It’s all about perspective and listening to one another, coming to an agreement. Now if you guys agree to disagree, make sure that you guys are clear on what needs to be fixed and work on that. Fix everything else later !
** That’s my personal; pet peeve of mine, don’t you ever make me go to sleep flustered and uptight without resolving the issue and telling me how you feel. We goin’ to handle it TONIGHT !! I mean it ! I literally hate going to bed mad. Unless you want to wake up to a cranky girlfriend/wife (whatever) I will wake up on the wrong side of the bed. PLAY WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO, you have a raft waiting.**
5A. YOU MUST AND ALWAYS WITH EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE- THOU SHALL BE REAL WITH THY SELF! Be transparent from the very beginning, don’t try to leave clues and hints… WE CAN NOT READ MINDS, we are not Professor X (I wish I was but unfortunately I’m not) lol but still, don’t go around thinking that a person knows what you need and want when you’re not even sure or know that they’re not fulfilling the needs for your trust issues. Not being honest to yourself is doing damamge to you and the relationship. If you’re not being real with yourself, you will end up blindsided and covering up a lot of factors that can hinder your present and future relationships with people. So make it easy on yourself and less stressful. Lets stop lying to ourselves !! So Let’s TRUST.
Understand & Unite through