Last Night -For Jane Doe 2 (6/12/16)

I cried last night -Hoping this will be the last time -I will have to cry my pain away -I was scared again -I was ashamed again -I was very cold -I was hurt again -Although I was in a dark room -I knew my skies were turning grey -It was like the words I didn’t have strength to speak -The demons that were attached to me -The confusion, the insults I kept in my mental diary -ALL seeped out of me -I’ve never cried like that before -The chills I felt last night I don’t want to feel ever more -Hearing my own cry -Terrified me -Made me feel like I was hopeless -Made me feel like all these years I was just convincing myself I was strong -I was alone, I became sad for myself -Last night was scary

I cried last night because -I finally heard a voice that spoke to me -That shared the same wounds -That shared the same thoughts -Had the same heart as I did -Her voice empowered me -And I cried even harder -I was angry with Brock -Because he was ignorant -Trying to get by -Privileged so it can bypass that what he did was a “mistake”

I was sad at first for Her but more so for Me because I was looking through the glass and I saw what I would’ve went through if my file was passed. I was angry because the case was labeled as “Mis-Identified” -the case is weak, they said I didn’t have enough support. I was angry because the one person who I thought would’ve supported me didn’t. I was even sadder because WE WILL ALWAYS BE EXHAUSTED, we will be heartbroken for the ones that have gone through this -it will always be confusion about RAPE,  and people who have never gone through it will always see and make confusion -from it.

But last night I cried a heavy cry last night -And I think my tears healed my wounds -And if it didn’t I know the wounds I carry with will heal my soul -The cry I cried last night was enough for me and Her and I Knew then I should’ve saved them -I cried a heavy cry last night because I was scared that something inside was being birthed out of me that I never knew:

Power -Healing -Love -Beauty -Strength -and more Healing

For the first time in a long time I cried Last Night

 

 

 

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